Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
