I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
