Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
