drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
