i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
