my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize