She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
