I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
