It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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