i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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