K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
