I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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