I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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