Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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