Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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