Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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