Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize