I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
