i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
