That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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