I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
