I wanna passion pit in your ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
