I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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