Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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