my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A bitchslap is in order.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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