i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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