never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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