cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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