tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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