Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't put those talents on a resume
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
