I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
