my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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