im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
