I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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