There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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