I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
