It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize