So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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