u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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