I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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