she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
