if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
