so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
