Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...