Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.