ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.