in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that