It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My life is pants optional.
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