i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
