Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
