Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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