ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
