Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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