Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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