I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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