I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
