it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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