i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
