he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step