I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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