I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him