it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner