After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.