I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.