the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I AM VODKA MAN
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
