my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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