does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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