I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
