I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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