He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
