Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
