Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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