can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
