Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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