just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
