He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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