I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
